Steve and I went to church today with the "baby." When I brought Nathan home from the hospital thirteen years ago I taught you the sign for "baby". It didn't occur to me then that someday you would still be calling the six-foot one teen age brother "baby". You loved it when he came with... Continue Reading →
Two weeks ago this day your heart beat for the last time. It feels like two decades at times and two minutes at others. Time is cruel. I went to Home Depot today. You hated Home Depot. It was your least favorite store but we also had fun there, especially during Christmas. We would push... Continue Reading →
I ventured out for the first time in almost two weeks since my precious son passed away. We drove to a Walmart 30 minutes from our home, one he did not go to on our daily outings. I thought it might be easier. I thought wrong. Walmart is Walmart. We walked in. Deep breath. Two... Continue Reading →
The silence stings. Absence is all I hear…Your laughter no longer reverberates through the house.For now, it only whispers in my heart and I long with all my beingto hear more, louder, explosive you.The chaos is gone. Yet you remain The beautiful fractals of excitement, impatience, joy, and love are flat and cold.Normal is abnormal... Continue Reading →
I confess. I lost myself for a while. When someone would ask how I was I would begin speaking about how the boys were or my mom or my husband. I have one friend who would always stop me and ask, "but how are YOU?" I never really knew how to answer that question. I... Continue Reading →
I've been thinking a lot about grace, mercy, and forgiveness lately.Last week I got a phone call disguised as my worst nightmare as the parent of a non verbal child with special needs. The voice on the other end used words…Adult protective services…Complaint of neglect…Investigating whether substantial…An incident on May 3…A person hired to care... Continue Reading →
Perseverance: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. Today is a date of remembrance for me and my children. It is a date that has lost power over the last 13 years but will remain, for the rest of our lives, as a date of life altering, horrific, and traumatic... Continue Reading →
We've heard the adage we should live like we are dying. Life is short. Take the Trip. Buy the Shoes. Eat the cake. Live as if every day is our last. But what if we take the focus from ourselves and live and love as if others are dying? How much slower would we be... Continue Reading →
Yesterday at Costco Wesley walked along pushing the cart. We began to pass a man who had what appeared to be a child, perhaps 6 or 7, sleeping in the cart when he suddenly stopped to engage Wesley. With a gigantic smile, he held out his fist to give him knuckles."Hi buddy!" he said as... Continue Reading →
Sometimes the door closes softly and other times it slams. Sometimes God closes it and sometimes other people do yet God allows it. And you stand there directionless in the hallway because no other door has yet to open.When Wesley was in the hospital over the summer my most fervent prayers were offered in hallways.... Continue Reading →
Patience to Endure 