• The Split

    The Split

    This day will take more strength than I thought, sweet boy. I pray it doesn’t take more than I have. Today is Mother’s Day and you aren’t here. Thankfully, your brothers and Grandma are, so we will celebrate. There is now a split in my Mother’s Day. I will celebrate with two children while grieving…

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  • Hugs

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    I picked up Nathan by myself yesterday. It was the first time I have since you left. Every day around ten a.m. you would start signing “Pick up baby” and you would get so mad when I told you it would be several hours more. Finally, at 2:50 pm Monday through Friday you would squeal…

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  • And There She Is

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    One month ago today, sweet boy, we took you to the Emergency Department. They thought you were stable. They thought you would go to a general medicine floor. But that was when the first domino was only teetering and had not yet fallen. For the last month I have cried out to God day and…

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  • Yet to Be

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    Waiting for the corner just a glimpse so I can see where I might turn. Where the tears will slow and my heart will beat without the pain of breakage. Unaccustomed to this stasis the corner seems but a dream So I lean I lean into the grief I lean away I sway in the…

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    Yet to Be
  • Cola

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    I am not at all steady today, sweet boy. The tears won’t stop. My eyes are swollen. The world does not spin as it should. The fog descended again and everything seems slow motion. It has been twenty-two days. Today I am simply hoping to hope. Years ago I wrote a blog about Kintsugi, the…

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    Cola