We went to Tyson's Corner today. Nathan asked if we could and he never asks for anything. I put the bravest face on I could and off we went. It was strange just going to the car. There was no backpack to stuff with catheters, aprons, pullups, wipes, g-tube kits, and pureed food. No extra... Continue Reading →
After Nathan goes to school I sit in the living room and wait for the morning sun. She begins quietly, warmly, subtly. Over a span of just minutes she presents herself, glorious and strong. The dusty windows do not deter her. She comes anyway. Last night Leane, Morgan, Chris, Audrey, and Baby Chloe came for... Continue Reading →
It is another beautiful day, sweet boy. I feel a little steadier today. Still so very sad and lost but steady in this place. Steve took me to the Overlook Produce to look at plants. I was afraid of how I might react when I saw Buc-ees across the street. How you loved that place!... Continue Reading →
Steve and I went to church today with the "baby." When I brought Nathan home from the hospital thirteen years ago I taught you the sign for "baby". It didn't occur to me then that someday you would still be calling the six-foot one teen age brother "baby". You loved it when he came with... Continue Reading →
Two weeks ago this day your heart beat for the last time. It feels like two decades at times and two minutes at others. Time is cruel. I went to Home Depot today. You hated Home Depot. It was your least favorite store but we also had fun there, especially during Christmas. We would push... Continue Reading →
I ventured out for the first time in almost two weeks since my precious son passed away. We drove to a Walmart 30 minutes from our home, one he did not go to on our daily outings. I thought it might be easier. I thought wrong. Walmart is Walmart. We walked in. Deep breath. Two... Continue Reading →
The silence stings. Absence is all I hear…Your laughter no longer reverberates through the house.For now, it only whispers in my heart and I long with all my beingto hear more, louder, explosive you.The chaos is gone. Yet you remain The beautiful fractals of excitement, impatience, joy, and love are flat and cold.Normal is abnormal... Continue Reading →
I confess. I lost myself for a while. When someone would ask how I was I would begin speaking about how the boys were or my mom or my husband. I have one friend who would always stop me and ask, "but how are YOU?" I never really knew how to answer that question. I... Continue Reading →
Perseverance: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. Today is a date of remembrance for me and my children. It is a date that has lost power over the last 13 years but will remain, for the rest of our lives, as a date of life altering, horrific, and traumatic... Continue Reading →
Yesterday at Costco Wesley walked along pushing the cart. We began to pass a man who had what appeared to be a child, perhaps 6 or 7, sleeping in the cart when he suddenly stopped to engage Wesley. With a gigantic smile, he held out his fist to give him knuckles."Hi buddy!" he said as... Continue Reading →
Patience to Endure 