I picked up Nathan by myself yesterday. It was the first time I have since you left. Every day around ten a.m. you would start signing "Pick up baby" and you would get so mad when I told you it would be several hours more. Finally, at 2:50 pm Monday through Friday you would squeal... Continue Reading →
I am not at all steady today, sweet boy. The tears won't stop. My eyes are swollen. The world does not spin as it should. The fog descended again and everything seems slow motion. It has been twenty-two days. Today I am simply hoping to hope. Years ago I wrote a blog about Kintsugi, the... Continue Reading →
We went to Tyson's Corner today. Nathan asked if we could and he never asks for anything. I put the bravest face on I could and off we went. It was strange just going to the car. There was no backpack to stuff with catheters, aprons, pullups, wipes, g-tube kits, and pureed food. No extra... Continue Reading →
After Nathan goes to school I sit in the living room and wait for the morning sun. She begins quietly, warmly, subtly. Over a span of just minutes she presents herself, glorious and strong. The dusty windows do not deter her. She comes anyway. Last night Leane, Morgan, Chris, Audrey, and Baby Chloe came for... Continue Reading →
I ventured out for the first time in almost two weeks since my precious son passed away. We drove to a Walmart 30 minutes from our home, one he did not go to on our daily outings. I thought it might be easier. I thought wrong. Walmart is Walmart. We walked in. Deep breath. Two... Continue Reading →
The silence stings. Absence is all I hear…Your laughter no longer reverberates through the house.For now, it only whispers in my heart and I long with all my beingto hear more, louder, explosive you.The chaos is gone. Yet you remain The beautiful fractals of excitement, impatience, joy, and love are flat and cold.Normal is abnormal... Continue Reading →
I confess. I lost myself for a while. When someone would ask how I was I would begin speaking about how the boys were or my mom or my husband. I have one friend who would always stop me and ask, "but how are YOU?" I never really knew how to answer that question. I... Continue Reading →
I've been thinking a lot about grace, mercy, and forgiveness lately.Last week I got a phone call disguised as my worst nightmare as the parent of a non verbal child with special needs. The voice on the other end used words…Adult protective services…Complaint of neglect…Investigating whether substantial…An incident on May 3…A person hired to care... Continue Reading →
Yesterday at Costco Wesley walked along pushing the cart. We began to pass a man who had what appeared to be a child, perhaps 6 or 7, sleeping in the cart when he suddenly stopped to engage Wesley. With a gigantic smile, he held out his fist to give him knuckles."Hi buddy!" he said as... Continue Reading →
Every morning I dress my 20 year old son. Wesley was born with significant special needs and is incapable of assisting with dressing himself. My morning starts with coaxing a sometimes cooperative but more often than not uncooperative man to the bed to change. I clean the wound for his g-tube and apply dressing. Next,... Continue Reading →
Patience to Endure 