I trust You…

I was rearranging my seven year old’s room for what felt like the millionth time. He has a bunk bed that has a ladder on one side and a slide on the other. While he was sitting on the top bunk I took the slide down for a few moments. As I was trying to put the slide back on, his bed shook. I heard the sweetest voice say, “I’m scared, Mom…but I trust you.”

How different would life be if, when on shaky ground, we sweetly said “I’m scared, Father…but I trust you.”

During the summer of 2010 Wesley, my middle son with special needs, fell down the stairs and landed on the marble floor. I heard my stepdaughter calling me and knew something tragic occurred.

I came flying down the stairs and saw him there. He was conscious but I noticed his hands and feet, contracted. I lived in the world of special needs long enough to know it meant brain injury.

After an ambulance ride to UVA we were taken directly back. I remember just beginning to realize exactly how serious it was because we didn’t even have to wait in the ER.

The nurse came in and I immediately recognized her. She had children at the same school as my oldest son. I was relieved to see her and know she would be praying as she cared for us.

They took Wesley in for a CT and I sat in a metal folding chair in the sterile hall. I saw the tech speak to our nurse and from the other room I could read his lips.

“There is a bleed.”

My husband was a physician and I knew the gravity of what that meant. My child was going to live or die and there was little, if anything, that could be done by medicine to make him live.

My prayer was simple.

Please, God, please just give me whatever it is I will need to endure whatever is coming.

That was the prayer of a mother who thought her child might die. The prayer of a mother who might never feel her child’s arms around her neck or see him smile again The prayer of a mother who wasn’t sure how she would live without her child. I had surrendered. I knew with all certainty Wesley’s life was in the hands of God everyday but it was never so obvious as at a moment like that. I knew that a loving, faithful God can still allow children to die.

I am scared, Father…but I trust you.

When the diagnosis comes…
When your spouse has an affair…
When the bank account can’t be stretched…
When you lose someone you loved dearly…
When divorce is impending…
When the indictment is handed down…
When your child is sick…
When the layoff comes…
When addiction is all you can see…
When depression is crushing you…
When anxiety steals your peace…
When your heart is crushed…

No matter when or what

I am scared, Father…but I trust you

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