From the Loss of You

I have never been

so far from who I am.

An imperceivable smile

stifles the little laughter

barely there

that never escapes.

Tears are liberal…

forceful…

unceasingly present

and beyond my control.

We are both gone yet I remain

The world cruelly goes on

Bills need to be paid

The dryer broke

Friends inquire how I am

when I know not who I am

From the loss of you.

A shell of a mother after the final heartbeat

Yet somehow mine continues.

I long for the day I remember

who I was before this pain.

I await hope to discover

who I may yet be.

A distant dream

of a far away place and time

when the loss of you might

subside long enough

to allow more than just breath.

When you were ripped

from me the best parts

of who I was vanished.

They did not go with you

to fields of Grace

yet do not remain with me.

Perhaps on fairer days

I will find them tucked and hidden

beneath this suffocating grief.

Perhaps they are only forgotten

for a little while

from the loss of you

When the morning sun stays

longer than a glimpse

and with strength renewed

I will pull them out.

I will dust them off.

Gently, gracefully, finally

adorning not as an old woman wears a shawl

but as the victor, triumphant in purple and gold

from the hard fought battle.

She who was before the loss of you

may never return.

With a little luck and a lot of God

I will meet a new she somewhere in the maps

and be proud of her becoming

from the loss of you